I'm not happy, I'm not sad. . . I am in a time of Advent

Luke 1: 78-79 By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.

Ever feel like you are wandering through life just waiting for something to happen? Or like you are on the verge of something really big?  That's where I'm at right now. . . I made it through multiple transitions in my recent life and am now waiting for the new day to dawn.  What will it be?  There are endless possibilities. . . and yet I wait and watch to see if this will be the day that it all materializes.

Advent is like that. . . it's a little early in the calendar year to talk about Advent but the Church liturgical cycle points to the reality that life ebbs and flows through various seasons.  There are times of great joy, those Easter moments when the we get the good news that the tomb is actually empty and that Jesus has risen from the grave. No more death, no more pain, no more heartache . . . just grace and joy and resurrection life!  There are seasons of darkness and grief, those Good Fridays of Holy Week, where we lament lost dreams, lost loved ones, lost opportunities.  There are those Lenten times when it's a mixture of sorrow and hope for the future.  There are seasons of light, those Epiphany moments where all we can see is light streaming in the windows of our spirit, illuminating all those places in us that need to be renewed and refreshed.  There is ordinary time when steady occurs, like blades of grass that seem to grow overnight but you can't catch it with the naked eye.  Or when your child seems to have sprouted an inch from the time you tucked him into bed and when he awoke in the morning.  There are times when the Holy Spirit is up to something new within us. . . where a Pentecost fire is lit in our gut and we are sent out into the world with fervor and excitement.  There are the Christmases of life where everything seems to be pure gift, where every little aspect of life is cherished and held as sacred.

But this is Advent for me.  A time of waiting and watching. . . what will come next?  I feel like I'm on pins and needles. . . you know the feeling.  I'm not anxious in a negative way; I'm anxious in a way that is like being on high alert, a sentinel watching, scanning the horizon for the sun to peek its head out and bring light and life and opportunity.  What I am actually waiting for, I do not know.  I don't have to know.  God who is faithful will reveal it to me when the time is right, God's kairos time is perfect- never too early and never too late.  I have a feeling, though, that it's going to be big!  Until then I sit quietly in prayer, waiting, listening, watching so that I'll be ready when the time comes.