Which of Your Ancestors Really Ordained You?

Dr. Edwin Friedman, a student of Murray Bowen who developed Bowen Family Systems Theory, asks this question of clergy people:  Which of Your Ancestors Really Ordained You?  

The context of the question arises out of a discussion in his book Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue (New York Guilford Press, 1995).  The concept he writes about, Family Projection Process, is one of the eight key concepts of BFST.  Family Project Process is the way in which generations of a family project expectations or roles, unwittingly, on family members and descendants.  His premise here is that those who end up as clergy members have been pre-ordained by someone in their family tree.  Interesting, eh?

Here's what I think. . . clergy and their children are expected to act a certain way, right?  You know it's true!  When was the last time you heard someone say (and maybe it was you who said it), "PK's are the worst kids ever!"  Unruly, disobedient, out of control.  Or are they simply like every other child you've come across?  Full of energy, precocious and yet under the scrutiny of many-a-microscope!  So, how does a person end up as a clergy person?  Of course we all know it has to do with the "call from God."  Sure.  But there's more.  We Lutherans should know that there is more, after all it was our own forebear in the faith, Martin Luther who exposited the doctrine of the Priesthood of ALL Believers!  That means that the job I had in the pathology lab was just as much a vocational/baptismal call as my ordination into the ministry of Word and Sacrament.

So what?  You want to know who ordained me, don't you?  Other than the Bishop of the Northwestern Ohio Synod that is. . .

When I was a child my mother and I were the only ones in our household to attend church regularly.  I would wiggle through worship every Sunday but at the end of the service I knew there was a candy bar waiting for me at Wyatt's Grocery Store which was on the route home.  My brother managed to escape church because our father was not a church attender.  He was baptized, sure, but he managed to forego catechism classes, Sunday School, the nine yards! Mom regrets that course of action but give her a break, she was a product of the family system which dictated that if father stayed home, son stayed home as well. And dad was forced to go to church, dropped off at the curb each Sunday to take his catechism and so he was having nothing to do with the whole empty (to his mind) process whatsoever.

                (All you men take note of that story for the sake of your own sons, please!)

So then, before mom there was her parents. They were charter members of the Lutheran Church across town.  Everyone knew them, they owned one of the few restaurants in the area in the 1950's.  They were very intelligent, hard working people.  They were also extremely stoic. . . no horsing around when you were in the presence of Grandpa and Grandma Wilson.  Proper ladylike behavior and words-- always.  Any exception to that rule would get you the look that could kill and you knew you were being disapproved of and that did not feel too good!  (Do you see a pattern emerging yet?  Church as duty. . . proper behavior.  What sorts of people in society have to behave properly?  You guessed it: CLERGY!)

Me with Zach and Hayden who were baptized on Christmas Day!

In the past couple of years I have been able to add to this family history of ancestors that ordained me.  My great great great Grandfather was the oldest Presbyterian minister on the east coast in the 1830's, The Reverend Doctor Lyman Whiting.  Google his name and you will find that at the University of Iowa there exists a whole collection of his sermons in the archives.  Now there's a legacy to live up to, right?  His children were all musicians who played frequently in church and I think, but I'm not sure yet, that one of them married a clergyman. I know his name, Samuel Taggert, and that he was a special agent the American Indians during the Civil War, but I also have a sneaking suspicion that he was also a clergy person.

Well, I can remember as a child lining up my stuffed animals in my bedroom and getting out the old black hymnal (a precursor to the red SBH and the brown one- whatever that one was called).  I would talk to my bears and dolls, we would sing hymns and recite the Lord's Prayer.  They were a holy bunch of critters to be sure!  (I also taught them all math and reading so don't get too excited!)  But as I reflect back on it with this question in mind of who ordained me, there are some very obvious hints that emerge.  I guess I was the one in the family who was ripe for the picking!  And after some very troubling teen years, the idea of being in a profession were one would behave properly had its appeal I suppose.  At any rate, all of this is a very subconscious process but as I take it out and look at it, turn it around in my hands and gaze deeply into it. . . I can see how it happened.

I'm not unhappy with Lyman, Samuel, Helen, Mildred, Robert or Janice.  I love being a pastor.  It is the toughest job and the greatest privilege of my life.  But just so you know, my kids aren't perfect, my husband isn't either-- and I certainly am not!  So don't expect it or you will be sorely disappointed!  But know that I will always do my best to serve the Lord of my life and his people.

God bless you and Happy New Year!!

Amy

Eleven Things I Learned or Relearned in 2011. . .

We are always learning. As human beings that process of growth, discernment and maturity never stops.  I truly am glad for that because I love to learn, not just informational kinds of things but learn about God, myself, the world, the church and whatever else comes along.  I enjoy learning from others and learning about them.  I am truly blessed to have just celebrated my tenth Christmas with the good people of Trinity Lutheran Church in Monroeville, Ohio.  I have learned much from them. . . they may have learned a thing or two from me as well.

I was challenged to race all the kids on our mission trip one afternoon!

The year 2011 was a rather difficult one for me and for the parish I serve; 2010 wasn't all that easy either!  But we survived. . . in fact we did more than survive---- We THRIVED! We experienced more change in one calendar year than it would seem any church could possibly handle without imploding.  But the congregation managed it with grace and a quiet calmness.  Any sort of change can rock the proverbial boat, even positive change. . . but somehow we managed our collective anxiety and are all the better for it.  Let me tell you some of the changes we endured as a congregation: a capital campaign for a new Rodgers organ, painting of the sanctuary with a burgundy back wall in the chancel (gorgeous, but radical!), installation of the new organ, moving our affiliation from one Lutheran denomination to another (major, major stressful change), growth of the congregation by 15% which included many baptisms and receptions for new members along the way. . . wonderful, yes, but anxiety producing as well.

So I learned or relearned many things this past year.  As 2011 comes to a close, I look forward to 2012, hoping that it will be a little more "boring" in terms of change, but in general for those who know me- you know I don't do boring very well so it might be an empty sort of wish!  But I know there will be much to learn: about love, life and what God is up to all around us!

Here goes- my list of 11 things (there could probably be more but 11 is good enough for today), in no particular order of importance:

1) LOVE is fragile: nurture it, hold it gently, give it away-- freely, without reservation and no strings attached.  It will come back to you, I promise!

2) True friends will ALWAYS be there for you when you need them and you know exactly who they are!  They accept you for YOU even when they disagree with you. (I love you, my kindred spirits!)

3) Be there for the most important people in your life-- YOUR KIDS!  Be there no matter what!  Once you give birth to them (or are in the delivery room when they arrive) you must put their needs and wellbeing before your own. Period. No exceptions. End of discussion.

4) Have Fun! Whatever you do, have fun and laugh, even when you are stressed!  Laughing makes your brain kick out endorphins which are good for you.

5) Stand up for what you believe in, even if it causes you grief, even if others don't like it.  You have to be satisfied with yourself when all is said and done.

6) Always keep moving- exercise gets your brain to kick out endorphins which are good for you.  See a theme?  I like endorphins!  They make you feel better about life.

7) Eat at home more often, together at the kitchen table.  It's cheaper, healthier and allows you to actually talk to your family and find out what's going on in their lives.

8) Spend time with your spouse, stay connected to one another.  If you want to make it to 50 years, which is a very long time, it happens one day at a time.

9) Give 110% at your work (whether that is as a stay at home mom, a volunteer, or a paid employee).  When you work with people, give them yourself too.  If you are going to serve others then be available to them emotionally as well.  That's how lives are changed.

10) Be grateful!  Enough said.

11) Pray. Pray! And Pray some more!!  Your Father in heaven wants you to take to Him your deepest felt needs and if you are a Christian then you are commanded to pray.  (That would be a paraphrase of our dear Martin Luther.)

And one more if I might, for 2012----
12) Listen to music, lots of it.  Feel it.  Dwell in it.  Dance to it.  Hear the messages that are good and discard the bad ones.  You never know when you will be inspired by someone else's thoughts.  This past year the song that kept me going was one from when my oldest child was a baby, from the movie Prince of Egypt,  When You Believe. Specifically the line that is repeated over and over is what held my imagination,"There can be miracles when you believe, though hope is frail, it's hard to kill."  Hope is frail, but oh boy is it hard to squash.  So in 2012, keep hope alive.  God bless!  Leave me a comment if you like!

Amy

The Son Will Rise. . .

Earlier this week my sweet nephew, who just learned how to Skype and keeps calling me on my computer, caught me with a question about Christmas.  "Aunt Amy," he asked, "What is the meaning of Christmas?  Other than the birth of Jesus, I mean."

Wanting to know where this was coming from I asked him, "Are you working on something for church?"
"No," he responded, "for school.  I want to get ahead and it's a paper for English that's due when we get back from break."  Wow!  His teacher assigned the kids to write about the meaning of Christmas?  Cool!

So began a 10 minute conversation about the Incarnation of Christ, that God came to us as a human being to save us from our sin, to rescue us from death and to give us new life.  We talked about how amazing and wonderful that is, that God would do that for us!  He must really love us to be so concerned about our relationship!

Our digital conversation began at the manger, meandered through Galilee, went toward Jerusalem and a cross, and ended up at the empty tomb.  "God was born as the human being Jesus, the Word made flesh, the one who pitched his tent to live among us, in order to save us from our sins and patch up a broken relationship," I explained.  If there had been no baby, there would have been no resurrection.
I caught my nephew typing as I was talking; taking notes I presume, soaking it all in.  At the end of our conversation I could see that he had put it all together, that he knew this was bigger than angels, shepherds, and wise men-- this was about our human life!  And God's love and grace!

As I walked this morning on my usual path, I thought about our conversation.  As the sun came up I reflected on our words to one another, my only nephew and me.  I thought about how much I love him and how much God loves him!  (And me!)

I heard God say to me, "Amy, in all of your worries, in all your fear, in all of the things that you think you have to get done. . . the Son will Rise!  In all of your caring for others, in your concern for their well being, remember, I hold them in my hands.  In all of the busyness and small things that don't matter in the grand scheme, know that I am in control and you don't have to be.  The Son will RISE!"

On this day before Christmas I am reminded of the rest of the story, I hope this helps you to be reminded too. . . The Son WILL Rise!  

Amen.  

A Person's a Person No Matter How Small (even if they are a pastor!)

Horton the elephant knew this. . . he knew that people had worth and ought to be treated with respect no matter who they are, how big or small they are, how fuzzy, pink, purple, or gray they happen to be.  The Mayor of Whoville, who was inside the speck on the clover, had a great defender in big gray elephant, Horton.  You know, this Dr. Seuss story has much in common with the good news of Christ.  The Gospel proclaims that all people have worth and are cherished and loved by God.  Treat others as you would have them treat you.  Love your neighbor as yourself etcetera and so on and so forth.  .  . but does that apply to pastors in the church?  Are pastors persons who deserve common respect and friendship?

At first glance at that question you may say to yourself, "Why of course they do, silly.  Why wouldn't they?"  But in all practicality, is it a truth that is lived out in our churches?  Why do I ask this, you might wonder?  So glad you are interested. . . 


I have been in the ministry for just over nine years now.  Maybe that's not very long, but it is long enough to have seen myriad cases of the bullying and harassing of pastoral leaders.  I have seen congregation members treat their pastors in ways that they wouldn't treat their most despised enemy (well maybe they would).  Now you might want to get angry with me for saying this, but I'm going to say it. . . the truth needs to be told.  Pastors are people too!  Pastors have feelings (I know it's shocking), they have families that love them and care about their health (and don't like to see them get beat up over chancel furniture, worship times, flags in the sanctuary, the positioning of Christmas trees, hymnals, candles, organ preludes, coffee hour logistics, preschool curricula- well, you get the idea).  Pastors have spouses and families who have made the journey with them through eight years of higher education (and sometimes even more!) because they supported the call from God.   And yet, so many times pastors are criticized for making too much money!  (Yeah, right, a Master's Degree in hand and making less than the guy who works at Ford Motor Company, no offense Mr. Factory worker, what you do is important to be sure.)  Oftentimes spouses of pastors have put their lives on hold and their dreams on the back shelf in order to be obedient to God's holy will.  Pastor's families have moved and moved again, pulled their kids out of schools and transplanted them into foreign territories.  They have left friends behind and have had difficulty finding new ones. 


Pastors, surprisingly, work more than one day a week (and three hours at a time), we rarely get two days off in a row because we are expected to be available 24/7; we don't get the 9 paid holidays that everyone else gets because they either fall on our day off (if we take Monday as a sabbath) or there is worship on that day because it's a high holy day in the church.  Now, listen carefully, we are not complaining about that.  We love what we do.  What really gets annoying though is that people don't often see how much time, energy and commitment we put into the church and into them as individuals.  A lot of what we do is behind the scenes.  We take work home.  We study.  We read books to keep up to date.  We answer phone calls at our houses during dinner and when we are tucking our children into bed.  


We are people too.  And as such, it would be nice if people would refrain from saying to us (as my best friend was told recently) to "stop shaking her a#$ to the organ music."  Apparently dancing to an Advent hymn is sacrilegious.  Don't call me skinny or too tall (I got that in High School and now I'm 43 and on my way to having a Doctorate), don't tell her to "get a thicker skin and shut your mouth," don't tell him "too bad" he was sick and is overworked but then ask "how are we going to fill our seats on Sunday and pay our bills?"   Don't be absent from important discussions and then insist upon your own way.  Take responsibility for yourselves and we will take responsibility for ourselves.  But mostly, don't treat us like we don't matter just because you put offering in the plate which pays our salary.  We put money there too, 10% of our income or more. 


 Whatever you do to the least of these, you do also to me.  Jesus said that.  


So am I mad?  You bet.  I'm tired of seeing my friends and colleagues in ministry get beat up.  I've been nice about it, and so have my colleagues, too nice in fact.  All I ask is that you treat us as people who deserve the smallest bit of kindness and courtesy.  We are not your ecclesiastical punching bags.  We happen to love you and want to serve you in the name of Christ, but we don't understand why you take out your frustrations on us.  


So now I will make my confession and ask for your forgiveness for this rant:

Almighty God, heavenly Father:

I have sinned against you,
through my own fault,
in thought, and word, and deed,
and in what I have left undone.
For the sake of your Son our Lord Jesus Christ, forgive me all my offenses;

and grant that I may serve you in newness of life,
to the glory of your Name. Amen. 

Image credit: telegraph.co.uk

Walking in His Footsteps

Yesterday morning, Martin and I took our first walk in the snow of this season.  He absolutely loves the snow!  I tolerate it and let's leave it at that.  Our course is one and a half miles out and one and a half miles back on a trail that has a canopy of trees in several places that shelters those who journey along the way.  Yesterday morning that canopy was sparkling with new fallen snow. . . the tiniest twigs were clothed in white powder and it was quiet. . . very, very quiet.  One person had made it there before we did, and several rabbits had also made their mark.

As we went along I found myself walking in the footsteps of the person who had traveled the trail hours earlier.  I thought to myself who this person must have been about my height because my shoes fit perfectly in the tracks and it was a comfortable stride from step to step.  Whose footsteps were these?  Any shorter or longer and it would have been uncomfortable for me to match.  I will never know whose those tracks belonged to, most likely someone I pass out there often, someone I nod and greet as they turn back and I continue on.  It doesn't really matter I suppose. . . what matters is that it got me to thinking about whose footsteps we follow on this Christian life.

Jesus has paved the way for us, he has gone before us on this journey of faith and life.  He has walked, worked, taught, nurtured, loved, lost, been betrayed, been left alone, been anointed, been fed, has fed others. . . and he has left his tracks for us to match stride for stride like the ones I walked in the fallen snow.  For each one of us, no matter how long or short our gait is, no matter how big or small our feet are, the path is mapped out perfectly for each of us according to who we are and whose we are.  When we get in a groove, a rhythm, of following Christ we may not even realize that we are walking in his footsteps but as our lives are transformed by his love we begin to do what he did. . . we are drawn to caring for others, to looking out for our neighbors and friends and yes, even strangers.

Jesus promised (Matthew 28) to always be with us, even to the end of the age.  Do you see his footsteps in front of you?  Do you see the prints he has made in your life?  You are safe walking this way. . . well as safe as any disciple who radically and obediently follows the One who was crucified and rose again!  The promise really wasn't about safety and security, was it?  It was about companionship, partnership and a never ending, incredible love.  You are loved!  Now be bold and walk in His footsteps!

Thanks be to God!
amy

lmage credit: loveforliana.com

Small Town Relationships

Have I mentioned to you before how much I love coaching track?  Probably have.  I think I have finally convinced my husband that I "have" to do it. . . it's just who I am.  He has given up any negotiations about it!  (Good man!)

Indoor track has begun. . . it's not really a season per se. . . it's a little extra time for the few kids who aren't in a winter sport.  We will go to a few meets here and there but the real work happens in the spring, of course.  So in the midst of Advent. . . a very busy time for a pastor, I get the joy of heading down to the school on Wednesdays to hang out with my runners.  As I get a little overwhelmed with all of the tasks of Advent and Christmas, of programs and decorating and worship services and charity collections, I get to see the teenagers who share with me a love for running and jumping.  I love seeing them.  They make me smile-- they make me laugh!  I think they might just like me too because one of them said yesterday that he wanted to listen to the music that I have on my iPod, rather than what he had on his.  Imagine that!  See, this is what I've been talking about!!  Showing interest in other people's interests is the highest form of praise and affection.  I am happy to listen to their music in the weight room, though usually I have to ask them, "Who is this?"  But they are happy to tell me, keep me up to date on what is cool, dontcha know!?

Anyway, what does this have to do with spirituality or faith you might wonder.  Simply put:  It's about relationships.  It's about being present to one another.  If we are to accompany one another on this journey of faith and life then we have to attend to being present with one another.  That happens in many ways from hanging out in the coffee shop and greeting people as they come in to get their cup of joe (that's where I am right now by the way), or attending basketball games where the kids compete and pal around, to checking out what they are saying on their Facebook pages so you know if they are doing alright, to asking  them what songs they have on their iPods.  It's not rocket science you know. . . it's good old fashioned connecting.  And it means a lot, just ask any teenager how many adults they have in their lives who care about them that aren't related to them and see what they say!



So, I want to know, what's on your iPod?

Have a blessed day,
Amy