Own your own thoughts. . . and be kind to one another.

In our congregation we have worked really hard to own our own thoughts, feelings, comments, opinions and so forth.  When we have an opinion that needs to be shared we work hard to make sure it is done in kindness.  Everyone has a say and that's important. . . but it needs to be expressed in a way that does not offend or wound.  We have made it a priority to encourage people to speak their minds with respect for the other and to do so in a way that is responsible rather than sneaky, upfront rather than behind the back, with integrity rather than cowardly.  This has made a tremendous difference in the overall health and well-being of our parish.  It can be hard sometimes, I know, but it is vital for community life.  We have a "policy" that we are constantly reiterating which instructs each person to speak for themselves, attach their name to their comments/ideas, and tell the person directly if you have an issue with them that needs to be addressed.  To do otherwise is to create chaos, uncertainty and to raise levels of anxiety in the whole parish.

So, lo and behold, an anonymous comment came across another blog that I write for that portrayed women in ministry in a negative light.  We wondered who should we attribute this comment to?  Why do they not have enough courage to attach their name to their thoughts?  What good could possibly come by telling us we have it all wrong and that you will pray for us to see the light when we cannot engage in active dialogue?  This can only be chalked up to minor bullying (if bullying can ever be minor) and a lack of courage to own their own thoughts.  It is paternalistic and condescending to say the least, unhelpful at best.

Maybe we fear that someone will disagree with us and that is why we do such things. . . if we are so sure of ourselves then why would we ever submit our thoughts without our name attached?  Further, how can we come to a deeper understanding of one another if we fail to speak openly and respectfully?  Condescension doesn't help matters either, that just puts the other person on the defensive so that they feel like they have to justify something or convince the other person of something.  It also sends a message of lack of acceptance forgetting that people are people and have feelings and thoughts of their own.  Perhaps there is a reason they came to the conclusion they came to, but without talking about it how will we ever be able to find out?  Of course, we have a choice in the matter too, we don't have to respond, we can simply walk away. . . ignore it. . . not feed into it.

So, what sorts of issues does this post make you think of in your own parish?  In your own family?  At work?  How might each of us work on our own stuff in order to create a healthier environment where all people are empowered, respected and lifted up?  As Christians we are not in the business of creating hierarchies of the worthy. . . St. Paul so boldly proclaimed that in Christ there is no longer Jew nor Greek, male nor female, slave nor free.  We all fall short of this most basic guideline for community so it's never too frequent that we ought to revisit it, confessing our shortcomings in this area and working toward a deeper expression of community.

Be blessed and bless those around you with kind words and gentle actions.  Play together nicely even when you disagree.  I'm not suggesting that you don't have opinions, simply that we would all express them with a bit of humility.  Peace be with you!!