My Webster's Dictionary on my Mac's Desktop defines overachiever as one who is "excessively dedicated to achieving success in one's work." I'm not sure then that overachiever is the right word to pin on me. I think a better moniker would be incessant fidget. I simply cannot sit still! I certainly have not achieved "success" in the standard measurement of success. By the world's standards I have failed to live up to my potential. Just ask any of my fellow pastors who serve larger congregations who have nailed me down by saying, "You're wasting your potential," or "You're wasting your gifts." Especially now that I am no longer in the ELCA but in the North American Lutheran Church I have heard that battle cry that I have wasted my potential. Ouch.
To be sure, I have given up on any measure of status in my former denomination. Many cannot understand why I did what I did, why I led my flock the way I led them. A couple of handfuls of colleagues no longer speak to me, want nothing to do with me. Truth is, I'm still the same Amy I always was, haven't changed- I think they just weren't paying attention or didn't want to hear what I was saying all along. So, I guess I've given up some great potential (whatever that means). . . but perhaps it was just a dream that others had for me, and not the path that God put me on. I hope that's the case, otherwise I have wasted a whole lot of time in prayer, confession, grief, and worship. It's strange because folks who wanted nothing to do with me before are now walking toward me, meanwhile long time friends are walking away. It's kind of like that in the church and in life isn't it? A revolving door of relationships. . . it just keeps rolling around on the tracks and people jump in and out of the spaces between the glass.
Success. . . isn't it supposed to look different in the church? If pastor's wanted to be successful then they should go and work in the business world where they can make more money, have more prestige, travel to lovely places for conferences that are paid for by the companies they work for. . . instead we serve small communities with all their frailties, fall in love with the people there (don't be funny-you know what I mean!), sit by their bedsides, talk to them in the late hours of the night when things are going wrong, adopt their children as our own, spend our own money for breakfasts, lunches, dinners and craft projects. Success, it ain't all it's cracked up to be! (Sorry Grandma Mildred, I had to use that word ain't-- she used to said, "Ain't ain't a word and I ain't going to say it." Ooops I said it again!)
The other thing about this is that I don't remember Jesus ever promising us "success." I would think that folks in the church would understand that! And for the record. . . I don't think I'm wasting anything! Please stop saying that to me, it only means that YOU think I'm not living up to YOUR expectations. Tell it to the people I serve everyday and see if they think anything is being wasted. . . tell it to the seven track teams and 300+ kids I've coached over the years and see if they think I'm wasting anything. . . tell it to the youth who know how much I adore them and see if they think I'm wasting anything. . . tell it to Noah and Anna, the two I gave birth to and see if they think I'm wasting anything. . .
Overachiever--- NOT!
Busy, crazy, fidget who can't sit still, passionate, driven, fun loving, laughter producing, silly, overbooked. . . YES! And loving it most days! Thanks be to God!
Image Credit: thegogreenblog.com
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